hello.
Toni Braxton& Michael McDonald – Stop Look and Listen ( skip to 0:50 for the song.)
this post comes not often, and i’m really a dwindling blogger ( can i describe myself as that? The verb seems highly inappropriate)
So i’m going to (finally) blog about my life.
I hardly do that, because i’m a autistically philosophical and hubris geek, so here-i-go.
Okay lotsa of things have been happening. Damn i was busy.
Here i go listing ( from memory):
1) Violin Lessons every friday. Violin Practice every other day( save weekends).
1.5) Arcade for half-an hour after each lesson.
2) Tuition on Weekends and Tuesday
3) Class chalet ( I finally got drunk! Puke like 5 times! fuck. blood. fuck. Worse feeling ever)
4) band. band. band. ( grr syf)
5) Dinner with Luong. Yummy curry, good talk. ( i felt rather naked)
6) 1 week of job at a bar cum restaurant. ( reminder: I haven’t got my pay)
7) Preusm outing ( well kind of) with Clara and Diana. ( good time.)
Class countdown party at Downtown east.( danced the night away; gotta love spinning under laser lights) Stayed over at Cynthia’s house. Allan, a bartender who look 30 + , tagged along. 
9) Endless shopping for cny clothes ( excuse for more of course.)
10) Rollerblading with Brendan at ECP ( props for the man who never say no. And boos for the man who told me not to use sunblock)
and perhaps many more which i cannot remember now.
Sometimes i wonder whether i do i really live my life or have other people living it for me; My mum inhibits me from doing silly things, my dad tells me in his own actions and “advice” that i gotta be perfect because damnit if im not they will not love me, and my friends tell me they know what’s right and what’s wrong. So most of the times i do feel that way.
But sometimes i do feel in control. Like when i look at someone who makes my heart skip a beat, and we make contact – That’s when i feel as if my life is mine. You love me for who i am, i am who i am because i want to love you;It’s impossible to replace a heart for an entirely delusional self. Maybe, maybe not.
You know, nothing has ever seeded itself into me. Memories and present are just slipping out of my thoughts just like water. I’m trying to hold on, and yet, they turn fuzzy as quickly as they surfaced. Maybe i’m suffering from some terminal disease. maybe. Waht’s that disease called? Waht the…old people syndrome… erm.. think .. think…*googles old people losing memory disease.. ah.. Alzheimer’s disease. I have a strong feeling i will be getting that, so let’s remain hopeful.
Anyway, facts aside, holiday is ending in about one day’s time. And yes, due to time constraint ( i strongly think that my listing earlier on justifies my time-constraint issue), i have hardly accomplish any academical achievement in my due homework. But hard to believe, i feel rather proud that i have actually completed two chemistry tutorials in one day! Of course i did some referring, but how else am i suppose to accomplish such feat. And if mr lau is reading this, for there is a rumour that is going around about this nosey teacher by the name of insert your preferred nickname you-know-who who is reading his students blog just because he is pretty young and knows how to work the computer and perhaps this inner self-contained reason about blogs being on the internet and so can be read which may be used as his trump card when interrogated, i shall like what i had just done, ramble to confuse him. Anyway it doesn’t really bother me whether he reads it or some other enemy of mine who is trying to read between the lines of mine so as to plot a revenge against me, for i am living a clear conscience with a good new shampoo that smells of coconut and orchid – That makes me think the world is a whole lot safer.
Anyway, i have a feeling that something really bad is about to happen ( maybe that feeling is about school reopening… omfg… good excuse in not going to school … NOBODY DEFIES THE SPIRITUAL! ) . Did tarot reading today, but it seems as if the cards that i took out from the deck only spelled blessings in relationships and a good twist in life ( though their reversed meanings meant entirely the opposite) – So i’m pretty worried that i might have gotten the reversed sides ( i’m a poor tarot reader you see).
Anyway did i say that school is reopening? I just felt my stomach open and gushed closed again. I can only imagine the unopened sky, filled with this anticipating darkness that slowly lifts up as time ticks, and the dawn smell and the disgusting need to wake up early, and the walks across the red parade square onto the benches that smell of dried sweat and piss and unwashed bottoms and clearly unwashed seats , and the smell of icky classrooms, and lecture theatres that should have warnings that read “All potential sleeping beautys or highly susceptible to sleep due to dull, monotonous voices and reasonable ramblings, please do not enter ( unless you are a student in this school) ” plastered in front of them .
Ah, my head hurts.
Goodnight.
I have homework to rush.
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